Showing posts with label Teacher Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teacher Jokes. Show all posts
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Singular Plural Joke
Why did English teacher slap Sandy?
Because Sandy asked her: Why is Bra is singular when it covers 2
And
Panties plural when it covers only one?
Because Sandy asked her: Why is Bra is singular when it covers 2
And
Panties plural when it covers only one?
Devil Joke
Angel Said: I can't be everywhere to help you...
So I Created MOTHER...
Devil Said: Me too can't be everywhere...
So I Created MOTHER-IN-LAW.
So I Created MOTHER...
Devil Said: Me too can't be everywhere...
So I Created MOTHER-IN-LAW.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Judge in a village Joke
A judge in a village court had gone on vacation. Nasrudin was asked to be temporary judge for a day. Nasrudin sat on the Judge's chair with a serious face, gazing around the public and ordered the first case be brought-up for hearing.
"You are right," said Nasrudin after hearing one side.
"You are right," he said after hearing the other side.
"But both cannot be right," said a member of public sitting in the audience.
"You are right, too" said Nasrudin.
Accentuate the positive.
Sympathy is as important to a judge as judgment.
Don't be afraid to look beyond both sides of an argument.
If you can only see two sides of an argument you are missing something.
To forgive is divine
Even judges can be fools
Conversely, even fools can be judges.
Everybody is right, in their own respective ways.
Justice is not always just.
The person who says that you are 'right' might be wrong.
You only ever believe yourself, and your own point of view.
There is no real truth, or even reality.
"All Faith is false, all Faith is true: Truth is the shattered mirror strown \ In myriad bits; while each believes his little bit the whole to own." -- Sir Richard Francis Burton
Everyone is right in their own way. If everyone know this, then the world would be much better place to live.
"You are right," said Nasrudin after hearing one side.
"You are right," he said after hearing the other side.
"But both cannot be right," said a member of public sitting in the audience.
"You are right, too" said Nasrudin.
Accentuate the positive.
Sympathy is as important to a judge as judgment.
Don't be afraid to look beyond both sides of an argument.
If you can only see two sides of an argument you are missing something.
To forgive is divine
Even judges can be fools
Conversely, even fools can be judges.
Everybody is right, in their own respective ways.
Justice is not always just.
The person who says that you are 'right' might be wrong.
You only ever believe yourself, and your own point of view.
There is no real truth, or even reality.
"All Faith is false, all Faith is true: Truth is the shattered mirror strown \ In myriad bits; while each believes his little bit the whole to own." -- Sir Richard Francis Burton
Everyone is right in their own way. If everyone know this, then the world would be much better place to live.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Condom Joke
Friday, August 7, 2009
Teacher Joke
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher
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The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________ _________ _________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________ _________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
____________ _________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________ _________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________ _________ _________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________ _________ _________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________ _________ ________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
____________ _________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________ _________ _________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________ _________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
____________ _________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________ _________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________ _________ _________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________ _________ _________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________ _________ ________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
____________ _________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Four sons Joke
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third insummer, and the youngest son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe
what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping
with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring,
the beauty of your summer, the fulfillment of your fall.
Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.
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The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third insummer, and the youngest son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe
what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping
with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring,
the beauty of your summer, the fulfillment of your fall.
Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Santa Banta Jokes
Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Then they had no more twins...
#
#
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Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Then they had no more twins...
#
#
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