Boy Girl Love Joke

Girl: Do you really love me?
Boy: Of course I do.
Girl: I wanna hear you say it.
Boy: I don’t have to.
Girl: Why not?
Boy: Because...
Girl: I just want to hear you say it in words.
Boy: I can’t...
The girl started to cry softly and said:
Then you don't love me...
The two continued to walk in silence. They
reached the girls home.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Do you really want to know?
Girl: (hesitantly) Yes.
He hugged her gently, kissed the tip of her nose
and whispered in her ear,
"Because three words are not enough..."

Self Appraisal Jokes

A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman : (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
Boy : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman : I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.
Woman : No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy : "No thanks,
Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one.
Boy : No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"

Before and After marriage Joke

Singular Plural Joke

Why did English teacher slap Sandy?

Because Sandy asked her: Why is Bra is singular when it covers 2

And

Panties plural when it covers only one?

Interview Joke

In USA:

Interview 4 New Admission in School.


Teacher: Who is your Dad?

His Mom: Please ask simple questions!

Devil Joke

Angel Said: I can't be everywhere to help you...
So I Created MOTHER...

Devil Said: Me too can't be everywhere...
So I Created MOTHER-IN-LAW.

Judge in a village Joke

A judge in a village court had gone on vacation. Nasrudin was asked to be temporary judge for a day. Nasrudin sat on the Judge's chair with a serious face, gazing around the public and ordered the first case be brought-up for hearing.
"You are right," said Nasrudin after hearing one side.

"You are right," he said after hearing the other side.

"But both cannot be right," said a member of public sitting in the audience.

"You are right, too" said Nasrudin.

Accentuate the positive.
Sympathy is as important to a judge as judgment.
Don't be afraid to look beyond both sides of an argument.
If you can only see two sides of an argument you are missing something.
To forgive is divine
Even judges can be fools
Conversely, even fools can be judges.
Everybody is right, in their own respective ways.
Justice is not always just.
The person who says that you are 'right' might be wrong.
You only ever believe yourself, and your own point of view.
There is no real truth, or even reality.
"All Faith is false, all Faith is true: Truth is the shattered mirror strown \ In myriad bits; while each believes his little bit the whole to own." -- Sir Richard Francis Burton
Everyone is right in their own way. If everyone know this, then the world would be much better place to live.

crow Joke

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Condom Joke

One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

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Laws of Jokes

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move
faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged
tone.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat
tire.
LAW OF BATH-ROOM : When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will!
LAW OF BIO MECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.
LAW OF THEATER : People with the seats at the farthest from the aisle arrive
last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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Teacher Joke

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher

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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS



Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy



____________ _________ _________



OFFICE ARITHMETIC




Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime



____________ _________ ________



SHOPPING MATH



A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.



____________ _________ ________




GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS



A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



____________ _________ ________



HAPPINESS



To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



____________ _________ _________



LONGEVITY



Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.



____________ _________ _________



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE



A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



____________ _________ ________




DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE



A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



____________ _________ ________



HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED



Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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Four sons Joke

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third insummer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe
what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping
with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring,
the beauty of your summer, the fulfillment of your fall.


Moral lessons:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.

Don't judge life by one difficult season.

Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

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