Free Online Jokes
| Short Call Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversations on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes. “What is the matter today?” asked her husband. “Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone.” “I got a wrong number,” replied Mrs. Banta Singh. |
| # 5 Murdered English Here are examples of some charming misprints. In Pune Cantonment they have a separate mess for officers of the Intelligence Bureau. The signboard reads “Intelligence Mess”. Again in Pune, a devout truck driver has printed behind his vehicle: “God is grate.” Another warning overtakes “Horn Blow”. And a butcher advertises his wares as “Farash meet of Pork sold here”. The best is the signboard on a bakery: “Bakery Number One, Dilruba & Sons, The biggest loafers in town”. |
| # 6 Look Like Yourself Seen outside a barber’s saloon near a bus stop is the following message: “Visit immediately, no time waste Instant Beauty Saloon Special visiting Hours from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. If you are a passenger alighting from buses in the evening hours then walk straight into our saloon. We make you up-to-date so that your wife and children recognize you without difficulty! Preferable: A copy of your original photograph for matching!” |
| # 7 Small Time Thief A boy was caught stealing a watch from a shop. He was taken to a police station and put in a lock-up. A hardened criminal lodged there showed some sympathy and said, “You are wasting time on small items. Why don’t you rob a bank?” The boy replied, “By the time I leave school, all the banks are closed”. |
| # 8 Suspense Story Ramesh asked his classmates, “Do you know how to keep a bewakoof (dunce) in suspense. “No, you tell me.” “I’ll tell you another day.” |
| # 9 Prayer, Counter-prayer Banta Singh had a bitter quarrel with his wife. In his anger he prayed loudly “Hey Bhagwan! Mujhe uttha ley – Lord take me away from this world.” Mrs. Banta Singh retaliated: “Hey Bhagwan! Mujhe uttha ley.” Banta Singh quickly amended his prayer: “Hey Bhagwan! Tu Iski sun ley – O Lord, grant her prayer.” |
| # 10 Telephone Call Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited. “Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis,” he said. The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. “I will come in the morning.” The man protested, “But doctor, my wife is really serious.” The doctor replied, “I took out your wife’s appendix two years ago. She can’t have another. The caller protested, “That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife.” |
| # 11 Auto Lingo A Sardarji newly arrived in England, brought a car before he picked up the language or rules of the road. One day while driving in the countryside his car skidded off the road and landed in a ditch. Much as he tried, he could not get it move forward or backward. An Englishman passing-by who came to help him asked, “What’s the matter, mate?” The Sardarji replied in his best English, “My car garhey mein phasing. Not hilling aggaey, not hilling picchey, only horn pee-pe karing.” |
| # 12 Fouled Proposal Banta fell in love with a college girl but did not know how to propose marriage to her. After much thinking he asked, “Sujata, would you like to be the mother of my children?” Sujata replied, “Why not? How many you have?” |
| # 13 When God created the world, he could not help boasting to Brahma of the special favors he had bestowed on India. “I gave it the highest mountains and broadest rivers in the world; I gave it coal, gold and diamond mines. I gave it the best of everything.” “Was it fair to give one country so much wealth?” asked Brahma. “You should see the kind of people I put in India. They will waste everything I gave them.” |
ஐயோ படிக்கலயே..
பரீட்சை
எனக்கு
லீவு நாட்களைத்தான்
அதிகம் பிடித்திருக்கிறது
அந்த நாட்களில்தான்
உன் தொல்லையிலிருந்து
ஓய்வெடுக்கலாம்.
பரீட்சை நேரசூசி
சொல்லிவிட்டுத்தான்
நீ வருகிறாய் என்றாலும்
நீ வந்த பிறகே
நினைக்கிறது அந்த மனது
ஐயோ படிக்கலயே
எனக்கு
லீவு நாட்களைத்தான்
அதிகம் பிடித்திருக்கிறது
அந்த நாட்களில்தான்
உன் தொல்லையிலிருந்து
ஓய்வெடுக்கலாம்.
பரீட்சை நேரசூசி
சொல்லிவிட்டுத்தான்
நீ வருகிறாய் என்றாலும்
நீ வந்த பிறகே
நினைக்கிறது அந்த மனது
ஐயோ படிக்கலயே
Children Jokes
01 POLICE
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' Itold her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
02 KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.
03 OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
04 MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
05 NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
06 BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
07 POLICE
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the va n. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
08 ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
09 SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
10 DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' Itold her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
02 KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.
03 OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
04 MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
05 NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
06 BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
07 POLICE
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the va n. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
08 ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
09 SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
10 DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
பிள்ளையார் Joke
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ஒரு கோவிலில் இளைஞன் ஒருவன் வேண்டிக்
கொள்கிறான்.”பிள்ளையார் மாமா காப்பாதது”
என்று. ஏன்?
ஏனெனில் எதிரில் ஒரு இளம்பெண் , “பிள்ளையார்
அப்பா காப்பாதது” என்று வேண்டி கொண்டு
இருக்கிறாள்.
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ஒரு கோவிலில் இளைஞன் ஒருவன் வேண்டிக்
கொள்கிறான்.”பிள்ளையார் மாமா காப்பாதது”
என்று. ஏன்?
ஏனெனில் எதிரில் ஒரு இளம்பெண் , “பிள்ளையார்
அப்பா காப்பாதது” என்று வேண்டி கொண்டு
இருக்கிறாள்.
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பிச்சை பெருமாள் Joke
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பிச்சை பெருமாள்: அய்யா காஃபீ சாப்பிடவாவது
ஆறு ரூவா இருந்தா தர்மம் பண்ணுங்க சாமி
ஒருவன் : ஆனால் காஃபீ மூன்று ரூபாய் தான?
பிச்சை பெருமாள்: ஆமாம் சாமி, ஆனால் என்
காதலிக்கும் சேர்த்து நான் சொன்னேன்.
ஒருவன் : அட பாவி பிச்சை எடுக்கற உனக்கு
கூட காதலி இருக்காளா?
பிச்சை பெருமாள் : அட போங்க ஸர் அவளால
தான் நான் பிச்சையே எடுக்கிறேன்.
ஒருவன் : ??!!!$$
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பிச்சை பெருமாள்: அய்யா காஃபீ சாப்பிடவாவது
ஆறு ரூவா இருந்தா தர்மம் பண்ணுங்க சாமி
ஒருவன் : ஆனால் காஃபீ மூன்று ரூபாய் தான?
பிச்சை பெருமாள்: ஆமாம் சாமி, ஆனால் என்
காதலிக்கும் சேர்த்து நான் சொன்னேன்.
ஒருவன் : அட பாவி பிச்சை எடுக்கற உனக்கு
கூட காதலி இருக்காளா?
பிச்சை பெருமாள் : அட போங்க ஸர் அவளால
தான் நான் பிச்சையே எடுக்கிறேன்.
ஒருவன் : ??!!!$$
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